Divided
Everyone is different. The way we interpret and respond to a situation differs from person to person. I also worried the way I did was weird and would make me stand out. I worried that standing out was a bad thing. I think I don't appreciate the advice that difference is beautiful enough. The greatest thing the world can give us is our individuality as it makes each person noteworthy. A common saying in my classes is that all publicity is good publicity. If you are weird, who cares as long as it puts you on the map? I care. I worry that the way I love life drives others away. I worry that I won't find the people who will support me. I worry that everyone will leave because of my personality. I know this is just my anxiety talking but for some people, it's a real fear that causes them to assimilate and mask what they truly feel to fit in. For a bit, I fell into this place because it's what I thought people wanted. The world becomes a hostile place where any second I could be outed as a fraud and dropped. So I'm taking steps to stop myself from trying to fit in, but instead finding where I belong. It may take a while, but it is worth it to be happy. I want people to accept me rather than fit what they want. It's easier to love life and be loved when you forget the mask.